Although some of these tips may focus on holiday seasons, there is nothing to say that you cannot use them year-around! Learn how to connect, minimize mind-reading and become more receptive to giving and receiving love to and from your partner.
Tip #1:Evaluating the Year Thus Far
You probably set some New Year’s Resolutions for 2007. How are you doing with them thus far? They are only as successful as you want them to be. Many focus on wealth, weight or career, but what about love? What would you like to do differently with your relationship? More quality time? Less conflict? More passion? It’s easy to say, “I’ll start tomorrow!” Why wait until tomorrow! Now is the time to take action!
Each day, take 5-10 minutes doing something for each other that requires no expectations in return. Write a quick note letting your partner know how much you care for them. Turn off the T.V. to show that you’re paying attention to each other. Whatever you choose to do, taking 10 minutes out of your hectic day to connect with your partner can make all the difference to your relationship!
Tip #2:Love is…..
It is interesting how we focus on specific holidays to show our love for our partners. February is the month of love. It’s fascinating how everyone goes all out to demonstrate their love for one another: chocolates, cards, candy, flowers, jewelry…….It’s all nice, but love needs to be shared 365 days a year (366 if it’s Leap Year!). Love can be expressed in many ways. How do you express love to your partner? Is it the type of love your partner needs? Some people like gifts, other like hugs, and even others prefer help with the daily routines.
An open discussion between you and your partner can uncover if the type of love you give is actually what your partner needs and vice versa. Understanding how your partner appreciates you will allow you to respond appropriately, resulting in an increased connection and less feeling unappreciated.
Remember love is……….year around! And it gives so much in return!!!
Tip #3: Admit How you “Feel”
All too often, I hear that admitting feelings is a sign of weakness. Let’s look at this from another perspective. Think how empowering it could be to tell another person exactly where you’re coming from without doubt, uncertainty, or room for misinterpretation?
One way to express yourself is to use “I feel” sentences. When you want to let your partner know about your reaction to something they do or say, respond by stating, “I feel…..” and insert an emotion. Do not use, “I feel that you…..” as this will be construed as blame. Instead, say “I feel , because .”
For example, “I’m feeling hurt because I was hoping we could spend more time together.”
As you can see, the word “YOU” was not included and you’re ability to stand up for yourself emotionally and with conviction is clear. It may feel funny to talk this way at first, but if you continue to practice, it’ll begin to feel natural and even….empowering!!!!
Tip #4: Playing the Ping-Pong Game
Have you experienced a situation similar to this?
Maybe your partner doesn’t pay attention to you like they used to. You’ve grown resentful, so you’ve stopped doing something that you used to (whether consciously or not). As a result, they continue to withhold that attention from you (again consciously or not). And so it goes, the “ping-pong game.”
What does it take to end the game? This is one game that isn’t meant to be “won,” but ended. To end the game, take the first step…talk about the game that the 2 of you are in and talk about what each of you need to end the game….then both of you DO IT!!! This refers to the little things that go a long way, like appreciating one another, showing affection, or spending time together.
This does not refer to compromising so much of yourself that you’ll be resentful. It does refer to ending the trivial issues that have consumed your relationship.
Tip #5: Do you have ESP??
How often have you or your partner started a sentence with, “I know what you’re thinking/feeling?” How do you know? Do you have ESP? Do you have the ability to read your partner’s mind? While the obvious answer is “No, of course not,” it’s real easy to ASSUME what our partners are thinking and/or feeling. However, assuming is dangerous. Assuming is based on our own perceptions of the situation and our own biases, not necessarily the same perceptions of our partner.
So how do you overcome the ESP syndrome? If you have an inkling of what your partner may be thinking, stop and check it out with your partner. It’s amazing to see how often your perceptions may not equate to your partner’s thoughts and/or feelings.
Leave the ESP to psychics…they aren’t much better in their own predictions.